MJDisneyGirl

To all my friends and watchers, I know what you're thinking. "Where the hell have you been Rachel? Do you not like us anymore?"

I am so, so, so sorry for leaving you all behind for so long. I was feeling unhappy and stressed on here, not because of any of you, but because of all the tons and tons of piles of stuff to get through. New pieces and journal entries from my watchers, critiques, special notices, etc. I thought I would finish it all soon enough, until I finally realized I was wasting all those months. It was keeping me from my friends and family in the outside world, it was getting me nowhere as an artist, despite all the praise and support I've gotten for my artwork.

So I decided to amp up my online social skills by getting another Facebook account, of which I'm actually active on, using that to connect with my friends and family more and to show my artwork as well as the random moments in my life. Also, after nine months of working there, I've left the Corps Community Center and moved on to find two new volunteer opportunities, one in a Sumner theater and the other at the Tacoma Art Museum, and not to mention a holiday part-time position at Target as a flow team member. Plus, the pills and regular visits with my therapists have helped immensely. All this has made me a lot happier and more confident and relaxed about my future. ^^

This is hard to say, but I've decided to leave deviantArt forever, of which I have mixed feelings about. I won't miss all the loads of crap that sucked me in for the majority of almost all days for these past few months, but I will definitely miss all you wonderful, fascinating people I've enjoyed knowing, studying and chatting with, that is if you don't follow me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. There you can see photos of my artwork, life and other random stuff. As for my fan fictions, you can check them out on my FanFiction.net account. It feels wonderful to express my imagination (although inconsistently and not so spontaneously, but I know I'll get better) and have them get noticed without all the constant distraction draining me of my focus and happiness.

Oh, and about my ElsaxMichael shipping, yes, I will post more drawings and other artwork of them on Facebook and Twitter. For those who have shown me your amazing tribute pieces and for those who want to make some, thank you from the bottom of the heart, and I will show them on Facebook and Twitter how incredibly creative you truly are and how grateful I am.

I'll be looking forward to seeing you all soon, for this is not an end to our lovely friendship, but merely a continuation, a new beginning if you will. Goodbye deviantArt, most likely forever.

My Facebook: www.facebook.com/profile.php?i…
My Twitter: twitter.com/MJDisneyGeek
My Instagram: instagram.com/rederosier

Remember that problem I had with my Tumblr how I couldn't log back on for some reason? Well, the same thing happened with my FB, so here's the link to my new page to stat all over:

www.facebook.com/profile.php?i…

This time I'll try harder to make it a habit to upload stuff on there communicate more actively with my friends and admirers of my art on there.

For those of you who are following my old account, please send me a friend request on my new page, and I promise I will see to you when I can. Cheers everyone!

www.youtube.com/user/breakingt…

Abby Martin is an amazing and intelligent woman. Her insightful messages need to be shared.

The day I've been telling you guys about more than once, the day I get to see my doctor for ADD medication. At long last, the months of waiting is finally over.

No longer will the fireflies distract me from moving on with my day and advancing to living my own life, from buying my own groceries and other essential needs, from saving up to buying my own used car and renting my own apartment, first in my hometown and then hopefully in Seattle, that way I'll be closer to the Seattle Repertory Theater, of which I hope to gain part-time employment in both Patron Services Assistant and Dyer/Costume Prop Artisan positions, of which I need experience in customer service in an art environment, craftsmanship and sewing.

No longer will they distract me from taking sewing classes at Joannes and doing volunteer work in a local theater to gain experience for the costume job I want at Seattle Rep, from absorbing that as well as everything else I'm offered to learn and getting to know all the interesting new people I will meet.

No longer will they distract me from looking for a customer service, art-related job to put into my resume to give me a better chance of working as a Patron at Seattle Rep, thus increasing my chances of eventually becoming a scenic designer.

No longer will they distract me from going back to college and giving my complete focus and attention on achieving my designing, performing arts and other creative studies there, in hope of earning a degree and internships beneficial to becoming a scenic designer.

No longer will they distract me from saying what I want and need to say to anybody, nor from fully enjoying my company with them, nor from venting out here in my journal to you all, my dearest friends.

No longer will they distract me while reading, practicing the guitar, drums, piano and vocal assertiveness, or learning as many languages as I can.

No longer will they distract me from enjoying, absorbing and embracing the culture of whatever new place I visit on vacation, or simply anywhere I go in the outside world.

No longer will they distract me from embracing the emotional impact of whatever movie or play I watch, whatever music I'm listening to, or whatever artwork I view on here or anywhere else, nor from the artwork I create. They will not hold me back from believing in what I feel as I write or create, nor from just doing it and not over-thinking it in the process.

No longer will they distract me from connecting with God whenever I want to thank him or need His advice when I'm lost in my way of life.

No longer will they distract me from living and loving my gift, my life and the people in it, nor from being depressed and forgetting the little things. That is, if my mind and body reacts accordingly to it.

Yesterday, I had a nasty cold and it was the beginning of my ladies'-one-day-a-month day. I was to meet my friends at the Washington State Fair that day. 

I had to prepare myself to have a good day, and so I relaxed and watched The Dark Knight (oh Heath Ledger, you were simply too glorious   ) and half of Tangled, a good start I should say.  Now I've got this bizarre idea for a crossover drawing...

So then I took a bus to the fair. It's a real pain in the ass to drive there, and there was free parking in the mall parking lot nearby, so... 

While waiting for them, I watched this incredible juggling/comedy act, Stooge Dudes. I'll post a short video I took of them, as well as some other fair photos, later on my Facebook.

And then Julie and her daughter Chloe arrived with their friend Dave. We went on a number of rides, my favorites being the Big Slide and the Scrambler. I know she can't help it since she's an eight-year-old kid, but man did Chloe wear me out, even more so since I wasn't feeling so hot that day.

"Let's go on this!"

"Let's go on that!"

"Let's get ice-cream!"

"Mommy!"

Thank God I'm not a mom yet.  But still, she's very sweet and funny, I love that girl a lot. 
For dinner, I accidentally ordered a kid's sized meal of a Krusty-Pup, curly fries and Coke. Ah well, it's healthier, and still tasted hella good. 

Julie, Chloe and Dave had to leave at 8:30, and my bus wasn't departing until 10:30, so I had time to wander around and decide what to do next. Earlier that day, I invited my old friend Sarah to see Pentatonix at the Fair Dome, and she said she would check her work schedule and see if she can come or not, so I spent most of my time to myself waiting. Also, I went on the best ride I've been on that night, a roller coaster of which I forget the name of that went as fast as a bullet and did one (I think two) loopty-loops. 

Sarah called back, and she said she can't come.  I was waiting because I was saving my money I had that day for that ticket. If I could find nobody else to come with me, I was gonna get a caricature of Michael Jackson and Elsa back-to-back for my shipping (click here if you don't know what I'm talking about: mjdisneygirl.deviantart.com/ga…). But I came too late!:bademoticon:

Why am I describing all this fun stuff I encountered to you all? Well, when I got on the bus with a lemonade, even after that fun day with my friends, I felt nothing, completely numb. You see, this is why I hate my OCD so much, why I positively cannot stand it any longer. No matter how hard I try to enjoy whatever good situation I'm in, or whomever beloved person I'm spending time with, or whatever movie I'm watching, or whatever art piece I'm working on or watching on here, those Goddamn fireflies (mjdisneygirl.deviantart.com/ar…) they stubbornly ask "What's so great about this? What's the point?" GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...please excuse me. 

But there are times when I don't have those negative thoughts, when I just don't feel at all, when my mind is just too tired, such as that night. While on the bus, this song, of which I happened to really like, popped into my head:



Today, I was still feeling like crap. I lied in bed pretty much all day and watched the rest of Tangled, as well as The French Connection (out of personal taste, while done really well, not one of my faves) and The Great Mouse Detective (now there's a really good one). I was going to watch Goodfellas, until I noticed that it's based off of a book called Wiseguy by Nicholas Pileggi. Just as I do before I plan to read any book, I looked up the book reviews on Amazon. Yeah, yeah, I know I should actually read them first and see what I think for myself, but I just don't wanna waste my time if it's a bad book, and apparently this one is. According to the one-star reviews, Henry Hill is a back-stabbing, over-achieving, ungrateful thug of whom has gotten more credit than he deserves. So, while it does seem like a great movie, I decided to give Goodfellas a pass.

I wish I did some drawings today. If you saw my art-to-do-list, months in the making, it would probably surprise you. Fuck you fireflies, I've got no time to dwell on my own thoughts and problems.

In conclusion, I'm sick, not only literally, but also of the fireflies.